Yesterday, I was very fortunate to experience the powerful honesty of a truly grounded, powerful and vulnerable man at #lifewestwave. This man was physically unbecoming – petit in build and short in stature, yet he filled the room with his immense passion for connection and understanding. Lee Mun Wha is an internationally renowned Chinese American documentary filmmaker, author, poet, Asian folk teller, educator, community therapist and master diversity trainer. He directed and produced the internationally-acclaimed film “The Color of Fear” amongst others, and has authored several books as well. He’s been on Opra, worked with the Pentagon, been on TEDx, and yet he’s so humble and clearly uninterested in fame. He is a man on a mission.
I cannot even begin to give this man justice in describing who he is and what he embodies, since I only recently had less than an hour of his time in a crowded, large hotel ballroom presentation. One thing he made very clear from the outset was that being on one’s smart phone texting during a presentation or conversation is not just rude but dishonoring. He had complete control of the entire room. And he used his power and directive to teach each of us how to meet our respective neighbors sitting next to us. He directed us in ways to openly and honestly communicate back and forth about each other. I realized through this exercise just how rushed I usually am, and how little I actually hear.
As a health care provider, this is huge, since I so often just hear and write down what the patient says hurts and I look for the mechanism of injury, and most likely fail to hear what is REALLY going on in their life at that time. Being a holistic practitioner I appreciate the mind-body connection, but even with the diagnostic tools I utilize, listening and being completely present are the most powerful tools. How is this possible in a healthcare system where physicians are pressured to a 7 minute office visit?! Luckily I have the latitude to spend much more time than that. But even all the time in the world won’t make a significant difference without a presence of mind.
The essence I came away with from Lee Min Wah’s talk is that the only way we can bridge the gap of our differences with others is through vulnerability. And to learn to listen – with all our senses, and especially our hearts. Learning to listen to what’s being said, and to what’s NOT being said in a conversation offers a way to bridge the gap between people of varying backgrounds.
Below is a gift from Lee Mun Wah, 9 ways to communicate. It is my hope that by passing on this information will inspire you to try them and to see what new openings may result in your life.
Enjoy!
9 Healthy Ways to Communicate:
- Reflect back what is being said. Use their words, not yours.
- Begin where they are, not where you want them to be.
- Be curious and open to what they are trying to say.
- Notice what they are saying and what they are not.
- Emotionally relate to how they are feeling. Nurture the relationship.
- Notice how you are feeling. Be honest and authentic.
- Take responsibility for your part in the conflict or misunderstanding.
- Try to understand how their past affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you.
- Stay with the process and the relationship, not just the solution.
(copyright – Stirfry Seminars & Consulting, www.stirfryseminarscom)